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Monday, May 30, 2005
once again, yearning for things that are extremely hard to get arghs. facade-x reminiscing 00:18 + + + goodness. actually dreamt of both the bewitched and naruto shows.. talk about insanity = facade-x reminiscing 12:54 + + + for some odd reason, the blogger page that appears on my comp is in chinese?! been a long time since ptm and once again, did not fulfil what i set out to do. in fact, i think the opposite happened instead. got lazier, slacker and even more nonchalent about things. its really sad when some things which u used to think will never change, changes. even if things werent smooth-sailing enough, there were still stuff that u know are going on for u. but then all of a sudden u realised that u were just living in an ignorant world of ur own and there is really no one..not a single other human being whom u can really trust and put all ur faith into. jc really changed my perceptions on lotsa stuff. things nor people appear to be as innocent and friendly as they used to be. yes.. knew that the world wasnt perfect..but just never did expect urself to be caught in that kind of situation. its like u feel as if it only happens in movies and even other's lives, and u'll just say "oh its life.. accept it". but when it really does happens to urself, i guess theres always that "i cant believe it". found out sth that i shouldnt have.. or rather, didnt want to. that sudden sense of..may i say.. "betrayal"?.. i dont know.. just sux. simply never did crossed my mind that anything as such would occur. guess again, i've just been living in my own little ignorant world. trust is such a fragile thing..its really true..though cliche.. when they say its really hard to gain back trust once its broken. theres always the constant tendency to think twice before u speak or do anything.. or even making an extra inch of effort in every action due to the fear of getting hurt again. always that doubt, uncertainty and even fear tingling at the back of ur mind. trust everyone, just not the devil in them? in other words, i guess basically, u just shouldnt trust any single person at all..sometimes not even yourself. i guess its human nature to want to seek revenge, an eye for an eye? for that sheer joy or sense of satisfaction. sadist. yes, sadly. once something as such happens, nothing is the same anymore and honestly, its really hard to try to keep things the way they used to be and not breach that unspoken trust when the other party has done so. right at the end, its not so much of anger, but more of hurt. admit that i am that kind of person that treats another in whatever way they chooses to treat me. just cant seem to get over my own selfish thinking. afterall, human beings do feed on misery, dont they? facade-x reminiscing 23:31 + + + |
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